planet jaded
"I think the whole world has gone mad. Uh-uh. Its always been like this. You probably just dont get out enough." [Sexton and Death, in Death: The High Cost of Living]Sunday, July 02, 2006
Emotional battery
Neglect it.
Criticise it to its face
Say how it kills the light
Traps all the rubbish
Bores you with its green
Continually
Harden you heart
Then
Cut it close
To the root as possible
Forget it
For a week or a month
Return with an axe
Split it with one blow
Insert a stone
To keep the wound wide open
How to kill a living thing
Eibhlin Nic Eochaidh
Criticise it to its face
Say how it kills the light
Traps all the rubbish
Bores you with its green
Continually
Harden you heart
Then
Cut it close
To the root as possible
Forget it
For a week or a month
Return with an axe
Split it with one blow
Insert a stone
To keep the wound wide open
How to kill a living thing
Eibhlin Nic Eochaidh
Thursday, February 12, 2004
Barely Civil Servants
This letter, from the UK Inland Revenue Department, was reprinted in the Guardian (spit) on 27/09/2003.
Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication and also to answer some of the points you raise.
I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last communication as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.
Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox onto the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and puissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is, at best, a little ill-advised.
In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole. Which brings me to my next point.
Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."
A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system.
2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.
I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.
Please forward it by Friday.
Yours Sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations
Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication and also to answer some of the points you raise.
I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last communication as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.
Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox onto the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and puissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is, at best, a little ill-advised.
In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole. Which brings me to my next point.
Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."
A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system.
2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.
I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.
Please forward it by Friday.
Yours Sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations
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